Death of a Birkenstock

Edmonton

A no more war rally this weekend. This was a last minute gig, as Bruce Cockburn was bounced after saying that he would enlist if the Taliban invaded Canada. As Bruce should know, you are either with us, or you are a war mongering, racist, culturalist, homophobe, colonialist who deserves a line in the firing squad. The people organizing this rally know that violence is never justified. Not against Hitler, not against Pol Pot, and certainly not against the Mullahs.

Stevie understands this better than most, and in sympathy for Afghan women, decided to wear a burqa over her love beads. She looked awful, but I didn't want to get bopped in the head by her "violence never solved anything" sign for telling her, so I just shut up, played my autoharp, sang and tried to ignore the lady in black ghost costume beside me.

Some Muslim men in the audience liked how she looked, however, and kept calling up to her. "Show us your eyes," "sexy headgear baby," and, surprisingly, they seemed to be rapping "Burqa, Burqa Baby." Stevie was obviously flattered by the attention of the young, fit men, and after the show she went down to talk to them.

She thanked them for their attention, and lifted her burqa to give one of the young men a kiss. When he saw she was a middle aged white woman in a moo-moo he was stunned. When she kissed him on the cheek he became flushed.

His friend, immediately yelled "Infidel Harlot, pretending to be a good Muslim woman." Another friend started yelling, “stone her,” and suddenly Stevie's life and limb was being threatened by pacifist representatives of the religion of peace.

Tippy jumped off the stage to protect Stevie, but unfortunately jumped in front of her just as someone let go with a good-sized stone. It rocked off his head, making him woozy. He spun around, and a second stone caught him in the back of the head.

I could see by his eyes he couldn’t take too many more shots to the head. Stevie, realizing Tippy was in trouble, and thinking quick, took off her Birkenstock and started beating on one of the Arabian peaceniks with it. I honestly think Tippy would have been fine at this, as things seemed to be calming down a little. But he was still woozy from the first two stones and, even though the rock was thrown from a good distance away, was pretty darn big, and every body yelled Duck Tippy,. he never ducked. Tippy went down like he had been shot.

At this point the police came in and our brothers in peace from the oppressed parts of the world scattered, leaving Stevie with a half dead Birkenstock, and Tippy bleeding on the ground. A member of the controlling elites armed enforcement group went over to Tippy, presumably to se if he was OK. Stevie yelled "leave him alone you bloody fascists," and hit one with her sandal, causing him to throw her to the ground to try and calm her.

At this point Tippy woke up, saw Stevie on the ground, with a large man on top of her. Tippy is not violent, but he is protective of Stevie. He must have thought the guys who stoned him had Stevie as he picked up the rock that felled him and was about to hit the cop with it, when another cop belted him with his billy club, finishing the job the stones started.