No More Nukes

Calgary - No More Nukes Rally today. Everybody was out, and the fall whether of last week had warmed up enough that people were back in Birkenstocks and ready to party.

We did a set of favourites from the old no nukes rally's of the seventies, and people were grooving along. Old hippies in fold up lawn chairs and moo-moo’s brought coolers full of food, and sat in the sun enjoying the music. It was beautiful.

At the end of our set, one of the organizers came on and said, "There's been another nuclear test."

We were shocked. Here we were, singing and sitting for peaceful non-proliferation, and the ruling elite where ignoring us. It's not as though the media wasn't here. The Star was here earlier lining us up to look like more than we were, the Globe guy came past ten minutes later and did the same. Our rally of a few hundred will look like thousands in the papers tomorrow. And the CBC has seven camera crews here (and I thought I saw Ralph Benmergui).

But the fascists who rule the world will ignore the voice of the people. "Can you read this announcement to the crowd?" the organizer asked me.

"Brothers and Sisters," I read. "We must pass on grievous news. Today, the world has added one more nuclear power. While we have been offering non-denominational prayers for peace, and non-proliferation, North Korea has tested a nuclear weapon."

I nearly choked on my herbal tea, with organic honey (collected by bee keepers paid a fair wage for their efforts). North Korea? The glorious leader and our number one fan, Kim Jong-Il has tested a nuclear weapon? I didn't know what to do. He sends us three fan letters a week. (We have asked him to e-mail, but apparently they don't have e-mail yet in North Korea.)

The crowd started to boo, and let their displeasure at events be known. One woman yelled out that she was handcuffing herself to her cooler and staying where she was until North Korea changed and repented – or it got too cold for just a moo-moo.

Stevie would have none of it. She couldn’t have the glorious King Jong-Il, our most persistent fan, being maligned in this way.

“Brothers and sisters,” she announced. “Don’t blame the North Koreans, or their brave leader, who on this day has stood up to American Imperialist Aggression in the most logical way. Bullies only understand might, and Kim Jong-Il, and all North Koreans, know only bullying from the Bushites in the international community.”

She had them now, as nothing calms a crowd of angry hippies like an insult to George W. Unfortunately, one protester didn’t get all the memos and yelled up, “One more nuclear bomb is one more too many.”

While Stevie tried to protest, someone yelled out “Damn right.” Stevie worked to calm the crowd, and Tippy was just putting away his Zionist’s harp, when somebody threw a large bottle of carrot juice. It hit Tippy square in the head, knocking him out.

Stevie started yelling, “Who’s the aggressive imperialist who threw that?” But the crowd was now so angry that they started rushing the stage. Stevie and I barely got poor prostate Tippy dragged to the Prius before the mob got ugly.